I come from a family characterized by their social alcoholism and their flamboyant meanness. They are amazingly fun when they're not actually trying to physically hurt you or make you cry by picking on some physical characteristic you're already self-conscious about. I have incredible, hilarious, insane friends who make up awesome games like "If you could hobble someone, who would it be?" and "Single Word Association Trivial Pursuit." I love Indian and Thai food the way most people love their mothers. Sports bore me to a point so far beyond irritation that it borders on rage. I am extraordinarily neurotic and not in a cute, 90's way. In fact, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night convinced that one of several things is going to happen THAT SECOND:
1. My entire family will be killed in some freak accident.
2.I have squirrels in my attic= them chewing on mystery wires=house fire= dead dogs= divorce= poverty= death.
In other words, I am nothing like Brooke Shields in "Suddenly Susan."